NOTHING'S THE SAME ANYMORE: PART 2
by deetatarant
Summary: Jack and Ianto's date and they are both having second thoughts.


**NOTHING'S THE SAME ANYMORE: PART TWO**

**DINNER AND A MOVIE?**

Ianto stared at his reflection. He had put on a bit of weight over the last few months. Jack's prolonged absence had meant a massively increased workload and consequently far too many Chinese takeaways and pizzas, instead of nice proper fresh food and three square meals a day. He realised rather dismally that this had all been his own fault. Without even thinking about it he had taken on most of Jack's administration tasks, supported the rest of the team out in the field and secretly kept things ticking over at Flat Holm. It had been a weird time punctuated by short naps on the couch or in Jack's bunk because he wouldn't leave the Hub unmanned whilst Jack was away. Ianto had missed Jack far more than he had ever admitted to the others. He had spent the five months filling his life with work to try and fill the gaping emptiness in his heart. It was like grieving and Ianto knew that process only too well and he had soon decided that Jack wasn't going to be coming back in a hurry.

Ianto knew all about the Doctor, Jack had told him enough and Ianto had practically memorised the Torchwood files on the man. It was obvious that Jack would not want to return to them given what a life with the Doctor could offer. So Ianto buried himself in his job, did everything he could to assist Gwen in the running of the Hub and finally found that he had become part of the team as a result of his efforts. The others had come to respect him, even like him and Ianto finally felt he was part of something. It gave him a sense of belonging he had never experienced before and it gave him a purpose, something he hadn't had since Lisa's death. Jack be damned, they really hadn't meant anything to him and though broken hearted at the revelation Ianto had tried his best to move on.

Ianto turned away from the bathroom mirror, he hated looking into it, couldn't stand to meet his own eyes looking back at him. His own self worth was somewhere back down under his feet right about now. He had been doing OK until Jack had come back. He cursed himself, it had only taken a day for him to forgive the older man and forget that he had promised himself not to go back down an old well trodden road of casual lust with him. Truth was he was miserable, had been for months....Still, he hadn't got back into Jack's bed, yet. It didn't stop him from wanting to and didn't stop Jack from asking either. Ianto was stronger than that now. His hand went unconsciously to his stomach. The bullet wound still caused some discomfort, but he had healed more quickly than expected. Ianto sighed, half wondering deep down if he would be better off dead. It wasn't that he wanted to die especially; he just wanted a less complicated life. He just wanted to be happy, for once. It had been too long and he recalled it like some half forgotten dream in Lisa's arms, so long ago now. He had never been happy with Jack, just desperate, thirsty for anything that would make him feel alive and Jack had certainly made him feel that through every nerve in his body. His life was just out of his control, what little of it there was to call his own.

Ianto wondered who he was as he cleaned his teeth. He couldn't remember the last time when he had listened to music, or watched the TV. Even when he had been recovering from being shot he had sat on his couch in this very house and done the overdue paper work. Had his life become so empty? The truth was all he had become was Torchwood, the very essence of it, the Tea Boy and Jack's abandoned part time shag. Ianto rinsed his mouth and sighed wondering why on Earth he was putting himself through this routine. He found a fresh shirt from his closet and pulled it on mechanically going through the motions of doing up the buttons. Shouldn't he be excited by now? At the very least feeling fuzzy with anticipation? He pulled on his suit, buttoning up the waistcoat then stopping half way because he had forgotten the tie. Once the ritual of dressing was complete Ianto inspected the result. Perfect as always, nothing out of place. He reminded himself of a manikin. That was really all he was now a shadow of the man who had set out into the world eight years ago. Ianto glanced at his watch having second thoughts about what he was about to do. It was almost time. He hauled in a slightly nervous breath and could feel the inevitable butterflies in his stomach, not the nice ones that usually heralded a romantic date, but ones of utter dread. It was finally time for him and Jack to set things straight. Five weeks had passed since Jack had tentatively asked him on this date. Torchwood caused the expected delays and Ianto actually found himself hoping that Jack had changed his mind. Ridiculous really because Ianto had wanted that date more than anything, some show of real commitment, some act of normality in his life, even if it came to nothing.

Ianto paced about his flat reflecting on today's events. Jack had asked him twice if he still wanted to go out with him that night, seemingly convinced that Ianto would change his mind. Was Jack nervous? Ianto sincerely hoped he was. Ianto was still nursing his anger and his hurt, but he knew that Jack had suffered something terrible whilst he'd been away. Ianto didn't ask about it recognising the need for Jack to tell him when he was ready. It was something unsaid between them, a shared understanding of pain that no one could help them with. Ianto sighed unable to reconcile his total relief that Jack actually wanted this date as much as he did. He had no idea where either of them stood anymore and he realised to his dismay that he was terrified because things would change between them, had changed.

Ianto stifled a yawn and headed into his kitchen to make coffee. He was always tired these days and hoped that he could get through the evening without falling asleep at the restaurant table. He set about preparing the coffee half considering what his colleagues would be doing that evening, what did they ever do?

Gwen would be ok (even though she had flirted with Jack relentlessly since his return); she had Rhys, though Ianto was quietly suspecting that she was already regretting her engagement. Her behaviour since Jack's return had been odd at best and she'd been positively hostile toward Ianto when not in Jack's company. Ianto was unhappy at the shift of the team dynamic, but Gwen had always been very possessive over Jack. Ianto didn't care much about that; he just hated the fact that Jack's return had upset a stable situation.

Owen would no doubt be out getting bladdered again. Ianto had joined him a couple of times before, mostly to ensure that his friend actually made it home in one piece. Ianto hadn't much enjoyed his nights out with Owen, but had he wanted to be sure that Owen wasn't slowly killing himself with alcohol. A strange companionable friendship had grown between the two of them and Ianto would happily describe the older man as his brother when they'd introduced themselves to various women at the bars they had frequented. Owen was constantly on the pull, had even tried to get Ianto to join him on one or more occasion in the act of 'picking up'. Ianto had declined to get involved in such tackiness.

Tosh would be at home, of that Ianto was certain. Tosh was someone he understood. He had come to love the beautiful Japanese woman over the last few months. There was nothing sexual about his attraction toward her. Tosh just was. She understood him, always had and finally Ianto had recognised that when she had held him one night in the darkness of his empty flat as he cried over Jack. Ianto and Tosh had shared many evenings since over a bottle of wine, sushi and soppy DVDs; she was like his sister Rhia in so many ways. The sister he hadn't spoken to since the death of his Father nine years previously.

The coffee now ready sat on the kitchen bench in front of him. Nine years. Where had that time disappeared to? Where was the boy who dreamt of working alongside his father making suits and ball gowns and the occasional theatre costume for a local production. Where was the boy who wanted nothing more than to get married to a lovely Welsh girl and have a couple of kids, a house and maybe even a dog or a cat? Who had that person been? Ianto did not remember him anymore and knew he would never find him again. Ianto rested his hands on the bench either side of the mug and closed his eyes, fighting back a sudden urge to cry. This was stupid. He was a grown man, had faced the Cybermen and Daleks at Canary Wharf, confronted cannibals and bloody John Hart. He was stronger than this. Why now? Why the tears? Why the emotional exhaustion?

Someone hammered on the front door. Ianto sighed straightening himself up. He grabbed a square of paper towel from the roll on the wall and dabbed away the offending water on his cheeks as he went to answer the door.

It was Jack, standing there, smiling and looking like a dashing, handsome hero who had just stepped out of a war time comic book. On seeing Ianto's face the smile melted away, exchanged for a worried frown.

Ianto forced a returning grin. "I...er...You're early." He stammered and gestured for Jack to enter. Jack stepped over the threshold out of the freezing night and Ianto closed the door behind him. Jack gently grasped his arm.

"What happened, are you OK?"

"Yep...fine." It was an obvious lie. Ianto made to move but Jack tightened his grip on his arm.

"Ianto what's happened?"

Ianto couldn't meet his searching look. "Nothing, really everything is fine."

Jack dropped his hand. "You're a rotten liar, Ianto Jones."

Ianto walked away. "I'll get my coat."

Jack watched him leave and sighed realising properly for the first time just how much he had to make up for. It had been naive of him to think that Ianto was just going to let him back into his life and his bed without so much as a thought. A moment later and Ianto had returned, wrapped in his neat black coat with a contemplative look on his young face. Jack was only reminded just how gorgeous the young man actually was. Ianto handed Jack his car keys, knowing that Jack would've walked to his flat from the Hub.

"You may as well drive as I don't know where we are going."

Jack shoved the keys into the pocket of his greatcoat but made no attempt to move. He really wasn't sure what he should do. Ianto was obviously not at all happy and Jack was disappointed at such an unenthusiastic greeting. Perhaps Ianto had changed his mind after all. Without thinking further he pulled Ianto into a tight embrace and cradled his head against his shoulder. It took Ianto several moments to relax into Jack's hold, but finally he circled his arms around Jack's waist and held on as hard as he could. Before Jack realised it Ianto was crying his heart out. Rather stunned Jack just soothingly ran his fingers through Ianto's hair and let him get on with it, waiting patiently for the heaving sobs to stop. He was rather more upset to discover tears running down his own face as well. OK, not the date he was planning on then.

Eventually Ianto eased himself away from Jack. "I'm sorry." He couldn't look at him. "I'm sorry. Maybe this isn't such a good idea, after all." Ianto was wiping at his face still looking in the direction of the carpet.

Jack watched him sadly. "Maybe not." He replied his heart aching for Ianto. Jack knew deep down what he had to do, just turn around and leave. Ianto no longer needed him and wasn't someone he could toy with any more. Perhaps this really was it, best left well alone for them both to just get on with their separate lives. The date was a dumb idea, of course it was. It wasn't like it was before though, was it? Jack had had time to miss this extraordinary young man before him, he'd had time realise that his own feeling were so...what? Jack was terrified. They had been through so much, lost so much and then at the end of it all the two of them were left standing alone when they didn't need to be. Neither of them wanted to face the losses and the loneliness and Torchwood was all about those things. Jack stood there, paralysed. Ianto too. They finally looked into one another's eyes in silence, each weighing the other up, searching for some clue as to what to do next. Ianto was the first to avert his gaze. His focus returned to the floor.

"Are you going to stay this time?"

Jack cautiously raised his hand and stroked Ianto's pale cheek with his fingertips, a ghost of a touch that made Ianto shiver.

"Yes."

Ianto graced him with another penetrating look. "You leave me again and I swear to god you will never drink coffee again." A smile edged in there.

Jack touched his lips. "So we are together then?" He ventured.

Ianto hesitated, his heart having changed places with his stomach. "Just don't mess with me Jack. I've had enough; I am not your office shag. I need you, wholly or not at all because the last 6 months have been shit and I am tired and I am lonely." It was the hardest thing not to cry again.

Jack understood just how 'shit' things could get only too well.

"No mess Ianto. I promise and I'm deeply sorry I hurt you. I came back for you because I know this is where I should be, with you."

"You're not sorry you left though."

Jack shook his head. "I had to go. I will explain all of it. I am sorry I left without telling you first though, that was wrong of me. I should have explained to you."

Ianto took a pace back. "You will tell me everything; I'll hold you to that. But that's not all. No more secrets Jack. If you can't trust me enough to do that, then this ends now. I won't be lied to or deflected. You have my complete and unconditional trust Jack, you always have had, but it has to go both ways because I cannot help you otherwise." Ianto told him, squaring his shoulders and awaiting Jack's protest. It never came. Jack just smiled properly at him for the first time that evening in that annoyingly sexy way of his that Ianto could never resist. Ianto shook his head.

"I need a drink." He muttered heading back to the kitchen and pulling off his coat. Ianto pulled out a bottle of single malt and two glasses, filling them up he handed one to Jack.

"Maybe we should go and sit down?"

Ianto shook his head.

Jack was frowning. "Still no couch?"

"Being delivered tomorrow."

Jack leant against the fridge, watching Ianto who was now on his second glass of scotch.

"So what did you do whilst I was away?"

Ianto refilled his glass for a third time. "Work, Jack. That's been it really, and Flat Holm. It seems to be all I ever do these days. We've all been pulling such long hours, the Rift was really bad just after you left, was throwing all kinds of junk at us after we opened it. There just wasn't time for anything. I had almost two months where I didn't get home. You left us with a lot of mess to deal with."

Jack frowned, about to retort.

"It wasn't your fault Jack. We betrayed you and we opened the Rift when we knew we shouldn't have, but we dealt with it. Truth is we got on OK without you. Gwen just took charge, kept us focussed and Torchwood carried on."

"And you?"

Ianto slugged the third glass of whiskey and placed the empty glass on the bench.

"You ran away. It hurt, a lot more than I ever thought possible."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

"I needed answers."

"I know that too, I just don't understand why it had to take 5 months."

"It's complicated."

Ianto shook his head and walked out of the kitchen. "There you go again, already. Complicated doesn't explain things Jack."

Jack followed him grabbing his shoulder and pulling him to a stop. "Ianto!"

Ianto turned and faced him well aware that the alcohol was kicking in and loosening his tongue. "If you can't explain to me what the hell has been going on with you then leave now. I am tired of being on the outside with you!"

Jack froze taking in the angered expression on his face. "This is hard for me. You have no idea what I have been through."

"You're right I don't because you haven't told me. You haven't talked to any of us. You swan back into our lives with that stupid grin on your face and expect everyone to pick up where you left off. I love you Jack, how do you not get that? I love you so much that I feel I will break from the weight of it. All this time you have kept me at arm's length and I have been stupid enough to allow it to happen. I was bereft without you. I've just started to rebuild my life and you come back and now I am out of control all over again.....I can't... Shit!" He buried his face in his hands.

Jack was mortified. "I've said I'm sorry."

"I do not want another apology Jack. I want an explanation." Ianto was yelling at him now and Jack raised his hands in a submissive gesture. The last thing he wanted was for Ianto to lose his temper.

"Ianto I came here to tell you. Calm down, please."

Ianto glowered at him.

"I just thought we could do this over dinner. I am kinda hungry." Jack tried his best puppy dog eyes. Ianto caved, sagging his tense shoulders and allowing the faintest of smiles to grace his pale face, his anger ebbed.

"I'm sorry Jack, of course. God, what a date this is turning out to be."

"Come on; get your coat back on."

Ianto nodded.

Ianto was quietly surprised at Jack's choice of restaurant. It was a small Italian place some 15miles outside of Cardiff. Jack was obviously known to the family that owned it as they exchanged greetings in Italian and Ianto was introduced as his boyfriend (Which brought a smile to Ianto's face). Unbeknown to Ianto at the time Jack had booked the entire place for the night so that they could be alone together. Ianto was not really in the mood to appreciate any of this. He was just impatient for answers and Jack resigned himself to the fact that any grand romantic gestures were likely to be a waste of time on this particular night. They ate the wonderful food in silence and once done with the meal Jack sat back and told him everything starting from his first adventures with the Doctor and Rose Tyler, how he was abandoned at the Game station, how he came to Earth and discovered that he couldn't stay dead. He talked about the journey clinging to the side of the TARDIS, described the Doctor's reaction to his arrival. His face darkened considerably as his tale progressed, Professor Yana, the Master, the Toclofane, Harold Saxon and the end of the Earth. He relayed in vivid detail how the members of Torchwood 3 met their deaths; how he himself had died so many times he'd lost count. He spoke of Martha Jones and her journey to save the world with a story and the downfall of the Master. Lastly he told of the choice he made to stay on Earth when he could have easily just flown away.

Ianto did not speak through any of it. Somewhere during Jack's prolonged recounting their hands had met over the table their fingers intertwining. Ianto couldn't remember reaching out to him. Finally Jack stopped talking and looked at Ianto with such longing that Ianto felt his heart break all over again. It was a rare thing for Jack to lay himself open wide like that and Ianto knew how hard it had been for him to do it. Ianto offered him a smile gently massaging the back of Jack's hand with his thumb.

"Thank you Jack."

Jack's jaw dropped. "That's it?"

Ianto nodded. "It's the first time you have ever talked about yourself without referring to your sex life. I needed you to do this for me because you know everything about me and finally I know something about you. I know it isn't the reunion you were hoping for. Things have changed. I have changed. I will do whatever I can for you, whatever you ask of me. You can trust me Jack. You are all I have and I only have this life to give you, don't waste it."

Jack opened his mouth to reply and at that precise moment Ianto's mobile phone started to ring. Ianto sighed picking it up from the table.

"Bloody Torchwood." Was muttered alongside a few choice curses in Welsh. He took the call from Gwen, no evidence of his frustration in his tone as he spoke, ever the professional.

"Hello, Gwen." He said lightly into the Nokia.

Jack gently fussed with Ianto's fingers and watched the young man's face, he just wanted to lean over and kiss him.

"No. I'm not in Cardiff right now. I can be at the Hub in about 30 minutes."

Jack sighed.

"Er...no...He's here with me. Did you want to speak to him?....No?....OK...Yep. Fine, text me the GPS and I will meet you there.....Yep....Will do. See you shortly." He hung up then waited for the text message to arrive, which it duly did.

"Sorry Jack. Work, we have to go." Ianto got up, already in business mode and Jack reluctantly followed suit as Ianto was already programming his sat nav with the co ordinates provided by Gwen.

"You'll have to drive Jack. I'm over the limit." Ianto told him as they stepped outside into the freezing night air. Ianto waited as Jack bid farewell to their hosts, and then they walked to the car together hand in hand. Jack pulled him to a stop and took a moment to look over Ianto's face, wanting to remember every detail. He gently planted a chaste kiss to Ianto's cheek. Ianto squeezed his hand and they got into the car and drove off into the night. Saving the Earth one alien at a time, apparentlY and doing what they always did, what they had to do. Putting their feelings on hold until the crisis was over again.


End file.
